thegoddamazon:

doesnt-rhymewithorange:

peregrint:

LOTR Valentines

These were way too much fun to make. 

I really love my Sauron one. I’m not gonna lie.

Omg I want someone to give me the Gandalf one *U*

The Sauron one killed me. Like I laughed and then I was like “aww…poor Sauron”.

(via zorascreation)

Source: peregrint

There was one thing sex shop thieves didn’t take

Sex toys, magazines and videos were stolen from a Linda, Calif., erotica shop, but the thieves didn’t touch the cash register.

CBS13 in Sacramento reports that Fantasy Factory owner Kevin Couch said damage to his door is more than the $150 worth of merchandise that was taken.

“They just took the toys and left,” he said. “They didn’t take the money or anything so I was lost. The sheriff’s department was lost. When he saw all the stuff in here and he goes ‘that’s all they took?’ and I was like ‘yeah.’ ”

So Kevin thinks it was kids just trying to make a little mischief in forbidden territory.

… So far, there are no suspects, just a suspected age range: boys probably about 13 to 17 years old.

Penis Tattoo Causes Permanent Erection For Iranian Man

At least he can get it up.

A man who got a tattoo on his penis is now left with a permanent semi-erection, according to an article in the latest issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

As MSNBC’s The Body Odd reports, the 21-year-old Iranian man found himself between a rock in a hard place after he got a tattoo in Persian script reading “borow be salaamat” (good luck on your journeys), and the first initial of his girlfriend’s last name (“M”).

So what went wrong during the penis-pummeling procedure?

The article in Sexual Medicine explains that a tattoo artist crafted the tattoo using a handheld needle which resulted in “bleeding from deep penile tissue for several days complicating the tattooing.”

MSNBC noted that the man had shunt surgery — which drains excess fluid from inflamed areas of the body — performed to correct the problem, but the procedure was unsuccessful.

Stiffly, err we mean strictly speaking, no surgery is necessary because, as the article notes, the man is capable of achieving a relatively normal erection and he’s not in pain. So, the patient has decided not to pursue any more corrective measures. 

Jezebel wonders if the man reached his decision after he “realized that the side effect of the tattoo was that his dick looks bigger all the time. But it probably took him so long to come to that realization due to all the blood draining from his head.”

So what lessons can we learn from this poor guy’s big mistake with his little buddy? Here’s the article’s author with the good wood, uh, word:

“Considering this case, we discourage penile tattooing.”

quickhits: Gays are sorry for wrecking hater’s marriage. Gawker: Last week, in the wake of a hot-and-heavy extramarital affair with a male staffer and multiple reprimands from her own Republican party, Minnesota Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch apologized and resigned. But the affair wasn’t her fault: Two years ago, Koch co-authored a Defense of Marriage bill declaring, “A marriage between a man and a woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in Minnesota.” The bill did not pass, and consequently the institution of marriage was so degraded that Koch had no choice but to jump in bed with a hot hunk of burning political staffer man love, thereby cheating on her husband. Minnesota’s gays are so sorry that this happened. One Gay, speaking on behalf of All Gays (according to my knowledge of Glee that’s how they communicate, like a hive of bees) issued an apology in the pages of Twin Cities alt-weekly City Pages: An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans Dear Ms. Koch, On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society. We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate. It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.” Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going. And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business. From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology. Thank you. John Medeiros Minneapolis MN This is awesome.
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quickhits:

Gays are sorry for wrecking hater’s marriage.

Gawker:

Last week, in the wake of a hot-and-heavy extramarital affair with a male staffer and multiple reprimands from her own Republican party, Minnesota Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch apologized and resigned.

But the affair wasn’t her fault: Two years ago, Koch co-authored a Defense of Marriage bill declaring, “A marriage between a man and a woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in Minnesota.” The bill did not pass, and consequently the institution of marriage was so degraded that Koch had no choice but to jump in bed with a hot hunk of burning political staffer man love, thereby cheating on her husband.

Minnesota’s gays are so sorry that this happened. One Gay, speaking on behalf of All Gays (according to my knowledge of Glee that’s how they communicate, like a hive of bees) issued an apology in the pages of Twin Cities alt-weekly City Pages:

An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Thank you.
John Medeiros
Minneapolis MN

This is awesome.

(via nomoretexasgovernorsforpresident)

Source: Gawker